so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
