All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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