My cat gives me a boner
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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