it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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