Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
