So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
