I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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