i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
