I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
