Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
