Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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