there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
