I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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