He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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