I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
