i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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