Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize