im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
