ugly people sure do ruin things
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
