guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
