She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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