hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
