Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Fuck me I smell like cheese
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
