he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
