is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
