Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Randomize
