shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
