Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
