So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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