i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
