I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
