By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
