I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
