I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
