i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
