It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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