Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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