well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
