i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
