If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
