i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
