Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
