Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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