We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
