My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize