come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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