JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
