So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
