Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
