so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
