this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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