your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
