so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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