So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
