need another drink. this is the easiest way
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Naked. naked and bneed help.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
