Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
