i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
