Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
A+ Viking dick
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
