Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I want to be your penis for a week.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Randomize
