is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
