I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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