I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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