Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
