I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
