I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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