u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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