3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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